The last time I wrote here, I was looking at gaining a better understanding of being authentic and looking to become more authentic myself…especially here where it might help you in some way or other. (And since it will definitely help me in some way or other.)
So…in my first bout of authenticity, I want to open up and confess how hard it is to write lately. For some reason I haven’t really pinned down yet, my tiny bits of daily improvement and growth seem to have ground to a screeching halt. I know (or at least hope) I’m still making little daily steps forward to a better me.
But there was a time when I seemed to have one profound revelation (for me, anyway) after another. And lately, it seems like there just aren’t any revelations. It seems like I’m just not learning anything, especially anything worth your time. I’m not entirely sure I’m alone with this kind of situation – I’m sure there are times everyone feels like they are just going through the daily motions.
However, I’m very sure I’m not at all comfortable sharing this with you. I mean…look at all the other blogs you read and it seems like the writers are CONSTANTLY uncovering new profound discoveries. Maybe I see it that way because all the other blogs I read have such a wealth of content that’s been published over a fair amount of time. And yet, if I knew all the behind-the-scenes, I might see those writers are also struggling at times. Struggling with generating ideas. Struggling with picking just the right words. Struggling with feeling like they don’t bring anything of value in exchange for your time and attention.
There was a time when I seemed to have a new revelation or a new life lesson practically every day. And the flip side to that coin is the times, like now, when I feel like I’m just going through the motions. The more I think about it with my mind, the more I realize it’s cyclical….learn and then apply and then learn some more and then apply some more. On and on.
BUT…when I don’t pause and think it through, it simply feels like I am inadequate. Whether the facts agree or not, I feel in those times like I have nothing new to contribute, nothing worth your time and attention. In the old days, I would be considered crazy for opening up and being vulnerable and authentic. In the old days, I would have thought it a problem that some readers will come and go.
However, these are not the old days. I do not need EVERYONE to read and like my blog. The people who can benefit most from anything I share, will come to the blog eventually. I have also come to realize that my struggles are probably even MORE valuable to you as a reader than if I were to just crank out revelation after profound revelation.
And maybe most important at all, I’ve come to realize you are very well served when you read something here and realize you are not alone. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else struggles too, is enough to regain the hope we thought we lost. In the final analysis, I think I’m going to like being authentic-er and authentic-er with you (and with myself, as it turns out).
I’m excited to see your thoughts.